Vrindaban life no more!

I realize that I haven't written anything here for a long time....it's not that there hasn't been anything to write about....because there has. The availability of the computer in our household was on a decline....and many other things going on as well..

Rafael and I took a vacation this past January to Thailand and Cambodia, and that was really beautiful...but it's so long in the past for me to write about it...and I just simply don't have time.

Rafael has been spending a lot of time away from Vrindavan, and as a result has been feeling really disconnected with the Dham, the Vaisnavas, and me as well...

This culminated in him one day telling me that he didn't want to live in India any longer...and that if I wanted I could stay in Vrindavan and he would continue to support me. I told him that I wanted to go with him because he is my husband....and we made a decision that we would move away together...probably to Changmai in North Thailand. If we moved then I would have to find a job, so I began to look into getting a job teaching English, and going for a TEFL certification course in Kolkata.

As time came closer to a business trip to China, he became increasingly angry, critical and negative towards me as well as India. Before he left he flat out told me "I don't love you anymore and I am unhappy with our marriage".

Boy, it was a huge shock to me, as we have always been best friends and and extremely close...but I asked him to please not make any decisions in his mind until we move away from India and change our situation...I figured that this would make a huge improvement in his feelings and attitude.

He left, and I left for the course in Kolkata. I was there a month, and only spoke with him once on the phone, although we were emailing each other regularly. I have to say that this was an incredibly difficult time in my life. Just prior to going for the course I was crying all the time. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. For the first time in my life I was experiencing panic attacks and nervousness. It seemed like all hope and good things in my life were just slipping through my fingers.

Then I went for the teaching course. In all honesty it was the best thing I could've done. First of all, it made me focus on something else. Secondly, I was suddenly put with many different types of people...and really broke me out of the vacuum of Vrindavan....thirdly I suddenly realized that the prospect of becoming a teacher was something that not only I could do...that I was good at....and most importantly I felt a direction and self worth in my life.

I got my certification and afterwards returned to Vrindavan for 4 days...and I spent this time with Rafael, who returned on the same day as me. We fought bitterly for the first two days, and then things took an unexpected turn...I started to understand how he was feeling, and felt sorry for him....at how desperately he felt he needed love....then we started dealing with each other in an entirely different manner.

He started treating me with affection and kindness like he used to....and we basically decided that the best thing for us would be to take some time away from each other and think things through. This would give him the time to think about what he really wants, and it will give me the time to work through some of my problems and issues as well...

I just got back from America, and a 2 week vacation with my family in Alaska, and met Rafael for one day in Delhi before he flew off to China to start his "new life" there. I wish him the best of luck and hope that he finds the kind of association that he needs to continue making positive progress in his life.

I, on the other hand took a job in Bangkok. I will be teaching Theater and Drama to little Thai kiddies. It is a one year position. I am really excited, but also nervous! It was really difficult to leave Vrindavan. On one hand the place is so upside down. Everything is dirty and disorganized. The roads are falling apart and the gutters overflowing with refuse and bathing pigs (it's really tough there in Rainy season!)...but when I see the Vaisnava saints walking around, living on another platform....experiencing Vrindavan in a much deeper and more profound way than I ever will....I deeply lament having to leave. When I hear the sound of the Bengali Kirtaniyas singing God's names so sweetly I cannot stop the tears from forming in my eyes and overflowing...

My friend Adwaita said that it's a really good sign that I don't want to leave...that it means that I will be back.

Let's see.

In the meantime...because I am not in Vrindavan anymore, it doesn't make much sense to post on this blog, which is supposed to be about my life in Vrindavan...so I will be continuing to write about what is going on in my life on this page: corichurdar.blogspot.com

Wish me luck!

December Trip with Rafael's Father

Rafael arrived home from a business trip on November 28th and a few days later his father, Andrzej and father's friend Waldemar arrived. I greeted them with fresh flower garlands and as we walked to the taxi Waldemar kept telling me how pleasantly surprised he was that I spoke polish. (My Father-in-Law Andzrej is on the left, and Waldemar is on the right).

Rafael's father had done some sort of favor for Waldemar, and Waldemar wanted to pay him back so he offered to take him on a trip anywhere. Andrzej said he wanted to go to India and Waldemar happily agreed. Of course we had never met Waldemar before and the prospect of traveling for 2 weeks with someone that you don't know is a little nerve-wracking because you don't know if the person will be a total jerk etc.

Waldemar, on the other hand, didn't know anything about us. He is a strict Polish catholic, and Rafael's father "forgot to mention" that we are Hare Krishna's who live in a town dedicated to Krishna!

When we arrived to Vrindavan (after a harrowing taxi ride through the first fog of the season) Waldemar gave us each a present. My present was a little gold coin with Madonna and child on it, and Rafael got a beautiful silver coin with Pope John Paul II on it!

After an Indian Thali Lunch at MVT (the best local restaurant), we took Riksaws through the older part of town and then went for a boat ride on the Yamuna by the old beautiful palace at Keshi Ghat. Both Andzrej and Waldemar were very pleased by the half hour cuise, and we finished the day by doing some shopping in the town.

The second day we went with our friend and neighbor, Lalita, on a trip to see Kusum Sarovar near Govardhana. This place is a beautiful sandstone palace on the banks of a little lake surrounded by sandstone steps. We decided to take them there instead of to Taj Mahal as some friends had recently taken their family to the Taj Mahal (which their family from NY was thoroughly disappointed by), and then to Kusum Sarovar the following day. They all agreed that Kusum Sarovar was by far much more beautiful! Andzrej and Waldemar were quite impressed with the palace and couldn't stop talking about it.

The following day we drove to Jaipur, and visited the City Palace and the Amber fort and the jewelrey market over the next few days. Both of them loved riding the elephant up to the Amber Fort.

On our fifth day together we flew to Goa. Rafael and I had booked an "Eco Hut" in a jungle just off of Palolem beach in Southern Goa. It was the first time for them to see such a tropical place, and our house was in the middle of a lush jungle with bathrooms that were open so that you could see palm trees while you took care of your business!









One day we visited a spice plantation in Goa. The place is a huge plantation, but they do tours on a small portion of the property. It is a huge tourist attraction with hundreds of people there, but the tours are small, with only 7 or 8 people. Our tour guide was surprised that Rafael and I not only knew all of her questions (What are the three most expensive spices in the world?....1. Saffron, 2. Vanilla, 3. Cardamon) but that we also knew the names of all of the spices in Hindi (thanks to my cooking/shopping for 8 years or so in India). She kept asking us if we had been to the spice plantation before. Rafael tried his hand at climbing a betal nut tree after watching one of the workers shoot up it...but he wasn't able to really get more than 3 feet off the ground! We also visited an old Portugese home, and were led around by the occupant (because the regular tour guide hadn't arrived yet!) It was really amazing to see the grand house and all of it's fine antiques and old photos.

We had a plan to continue to Hampi to visit the ruins of the Vijay Nagar Empire, but Andzrej and Waldemar were enjoying themselves so much on the beach that we just decided to stay in Goa for the remainder of their trip.

We flew to Delhi a day before their departure for last minute shopping! All in all they had a very good experience and were very happy with us for taking them around!

The End of Niyam Seva

Spending the month in a small village, practically alone, for an entire month makes you notice things that perhaps you would let pass by otherwise.

First of all, the crew of "regulars" who would attend the Kunja banga kirtan in the early hours of the morning. Those old ladies seemed like they are just sweet old grannies...but man...watch out if someone sat in their "place" before they got there. I watched those sweet old ladies turn into barking dogs...I guess if you don't have anything materially to be attached to, you get possessive about other stupid things.

During the kirtan, as the time got closer to Mangal arati at 4 a.m. (the first worship ceremony in the temple) the crowd got thicker and thicker. The first time I ever went for Kunja banga kirtan 3 years or so ago, I didn't realize that when the song "Radhe Govinda" started that everyone would quite suddenly and madly stand and rush to the front of the altar. I got caught underneath hundreds of pushing grannies...and had a really hard time "breaking surface" to stand up. After having my head pushed by tons of hands to encourage me to take my head off my neck so that the people behind me could see better (because at 5'4" I am like a giant compared to Bengali grandmas), I decided that I would not stand it the main crowd with those pushy ladies. To tell you the truth I think that crowd in front of Radha Gopinatha was rougher than the crowd at a Henry Rollins concert I went to while in college.

There was one granny whom I became a fan of while attending the Kunja Banga kirtan....she was a million years old, bent at almost a 90 degree angle, with huge plastic glasses that kept slipping to the end of her nose, a big bag, and a 2 inch wide/8 inch long stick (to make her look menacing?!). She would come in late practically every day and wade her way to the front of the crowd. Everyone let her through because she was so old and bent over. Then she would fish out a brown "pleather" wallet from her big bag and extract a rupee coin to place in the deities donation box. Then she would take out a marigold flower and tear it into three pieces and offer it to Radha, Gopinatha, and Ananga Manjari on the altar. I mean this lady was so poor. She probably spends most of her day begging on the streets in Radha Kunda...but every day she came and gave a rupee to Radha Gopinatha. It was actually incredibly sweet.

Also during the kirtan I had the opportunity to see Pran Krishna Babaji every morning. He is an old renunciate, who is very advanced spiritually. I met him many years ago while on a visit to Radha Kunda with Indradyumna Swami and a very small group of devotees. Every night he sings (and plays his trademark gong) in front of Ragunatha das Goswami's samadhi (which is the tomb of one of the famous Six Goswamis of Vrindavan). I am not sure how much of the night he plays there, but he finishes at 3 a.m. and then goes to his room. He cleans his room, sweeps the hall, brushes his teeth and then goes to take bath in Radha Kunda (and I tell you it's cold at 3:30 a.m.!). He returns to his room, dresses, attends Mangal Arati at the temple, and then goes to the Radha Vinode temple where he personally offers the morning worship to Radha Vinode. He has a group of local brijbasi boys who love him very much and get up early just to see him first thing in the morning at 4 a.m. He is such an advanced devotee that he inspires one in their devotion just by seeing him. Every day I would see him, and offer prostrated obeisance to him, but I didn't think he noticed. Then one day I went out to the market and he told one brijbasi boy "she comes for Kunja Banga kirtan evey day!"

Every Dwadasi (12th day after the full or new moon) which comes twice a month babajis, or men in the renounced order of life, beg for uncooked grains. They usually will go into a family compound while playing kartals (hand cymbals) and singing the Hare Krishna maha mantra: Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna Hare Hare, Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare. Someone from the house will then place some uncooked rice, pulse, vegetables and fruits into the renunciate's bag. It's also customary to give a little change to them if you have it. I have to admidt....this is my absolute FAVORITE thing about staying in Radha Kund. I love it when those saintly men come to beg (without really asking for anything....they just sing and are satisfied with whatever you give). My very last day in Radha Kund, was the best. First of all, Bhakti Charan babaji, who regularly comes for donations on this day sent some rice and vegetables that he had offered to his deities for me to break my month long fast with. My friend Madhava lives with Bhakti Charan babaji, and he brought the rice for me. I thought that this was a very sweet gesture that Baba remembered me!

I gave everyone that came (6 or 7 people) rice, vegetables, fruits and 10 rupees each (which is only 25 cents...but I can assure you NO ONE gives that much....so it's considered a pretty good donation.) One of the grandpas patted me on my head and caressed my cheek and wished on me "Radharani Kripa" (that Radharani would give her mercy to me). The last baba to come, who is a quite young devotee from Adwaita Parivar (who sings every morning while going around Radha Kund in a very operatic manner) expressed his distress that I was leaving and going back to Vrindaban. (It's really good that I can speak some Bengali....not much but enough to have some nice exchanges with people) This young babaji said to me "You are like my Mother! I am sad to see you go!"

And upon reflection....I was also sad to go.

Niyam Seva in Radha Kund

Every year during the lunar month called "Kartik" I go to stay in the Village of Radha Kund where my Gurudev lives. This is a special month of the year, because the results of any religious activities that you perform during this month are magnified 1,000 times. If you perform those religious activities in Braja Dham, or the place where Radha and Krishna lived and performed their pastimes, then the results are magnified 10,000 times!

Of course for those people who are focused on trying to obtain direct service to the divine couple, Radha and Krishna, we are not actually interested in "benefits" of such religious activities. We simply want to please Radha and Krishna.

My Guru puts a particular stress on performing what is known as "Niyam Seva". This means that during the month of Kartik (actually for traditional Gaudiya Vaisnavas this starts the Ekadasi before Kartik and runs until the last Ekadasi of Kartik month...so It's technically a few days different....) that one takes particular vows and follows them for a whole month. It means that one should follow a schedule, and do exactly the same thing every day.

The holiest place for a Gaudiya Vaisnava is Braj Mandala, where Krishna used to live. Out of the 12 forests/Vanas of Braj, Vrindaban is considered to be the best. Out of the area of Vrindaban, Govardhan is considered to be the best. And in the are of Govardhan, Radha Kund is considered to be the best. Therefore Radha Kund is the topmost sacred place for all of the Gaudiya Vaisnavas, and that is where my Guru says we should perform Niyam Seva.

I don't take so many particularly heavy vows...my main vow is to increase my chanting. During Kartik I chant a minimum of 1 lakh names (100,000 names or 64 rounds). I also attend Kunja Banga Kirtan (which is only sung during the month of Kartik). That is a collection of songs about what Radha and Krishna are doing in the kunj prior to Mangal arati. It is about how everyone is trying to wake them up, offer arati and then send them back to their separate homes before anyone in their families notice that they are gone. This actually starts around 2:55 a.m., so it's a bit of an austerity to take that as a vow to go ever morning no matter what! I also eat only once a day (after sunset) and eat no grains during that moth. Hmmm....what else? Well I don't wear any shoes for that month, bathe once a day in Radha Kund (the small holy lake that the village is named after) and I attend several lectures a day. Basically that's it...I mean my schedule is pretty full from 2:30 a.m. until about 8 p.m., but I have to admit that I did have "feeding chipmunks with roasted peanuts" scheduled in there as well!

I had the great fortune of being able to stay a house that belongs to some friends of mine, Ananda Hari and his wife Braja Kishori, who live in America. They purchased a small house, not far from the Kund (the small lake) about a year ago with the plan to eventually move there permanently (hopefully sooner than later!). It's a small house with a nice small garden with the Samadhi of Srila Narahari Sarkar Thakur in it. It has the wonderful advantage of being very close to the Kund, but at the same time very quiet.

After returning home after Kunja Banga Kirtan (around 4:30 a.m.), I would basically spend the entire day alone in the house/garden (with the exception of going out to buy flowers/vegetables in the market during the morning) until around 4 p.m.. I tried to spend as much time as possible as to make an intense focus on my spiritual practice during this month, so I was also doing some extra internal meditation as well. In the evening I would attend the lecture and speak briefly with a friend or two afterwards (but briefly as I had to go home and cook dinner...remember I wouldn't eat my only meal until approximately 7:30 p.m. each day.) The first week and a half I was there my husband was in China. Then he joined me there for almost 2 weeks, and then returned to china for another 2 weeks. It was a very solitary month for me without much contact or conversation with people (other than myself!).

There are a few things that I really liked about this month, but I think I will write a separate entry about them.

Sandipani Muni School

The Sandipani Muni School in Vrindavan is a project of Food for Life. This is basically a school for poor children in Vrindavan who otherwise wouldn't have a chance to go to school and receive any education. The school provides school uniforms, meals, books as well as the education. They also have a preschool/kindergarten for the younger siblings of the school children. In India, often times very young children are responsible for their much younger siblings while the parents go out to do some work. In order to send the children to school, there must be some way for the younger kids to be cared for, so the School also takes care of them. All of the children are sponsored to go to the school. It costs only $100 a year to sponsor a child to attend the school.

While in America I was checking out the blog of the school's founder Rupa Raghunatha das, a devotee from Italy who has been in charge of the Food for Life foundation in Vrindaban for many years. In his blog Rupa posts some appeals for donations for specific people that the school's funds can't cover. At that time I read a small entry about a 17 year old girl who wanted to go to the local college in Vrindavan but couldn't afford it. The amazing thing about this girl is that her parents actually WANTED her to go to school also. This is quite unusual in the village. Normally the parents want to marry off their daughters as young as they can to get them "out of their hair"....so they won't have to pay for their maintenance any more. I also believe that they younger the girls are...they cheaper the dowry is. At any point...here was a girl who wanted to go to college, and had the support of her family. Rupa estimated that for 3 years of college, including uniforms and books it would cost aproximately $400 (TOTAL!) I mentioned this to my mom and she immediately offered to sponsor half of the girl's school. When I wrote to Rupa to tell hiim about it he was quite happy as someone else from England had offered to also sponsor half of the cost.

When my mother sent the funds to me for the girl's school, she also sent some additional money which sponsored another 2 girls to go to highschool locally. So one morning I made an appointment to go to the school to meet Rupa and drop off the donation. I arrived at the gradeschool around 8:15 am to find all of the kids involved in singing and dancing to Kirtan (singing of God's names). The kids from both schools (gradeschool/ preschool-middleschool) were there singing and dancing happily. I watched from the side for only a few minutes because the kids immediately grabbed my hands and dragged me over to dance with them. It was quite funny...I was going around in a circle with little girls...with two tiny girls standing like Radha and Krishna in the center. The singing and dancing continued for over a half an hour. As soon as it stopped I had had a little boy (who didn't even come up to my knees) begging me with his arms upraised to pick him up. I put him on my hip, had another kid holding my hand and made my way over to speak to Rupa. We walked over to the other school with the preschoolers and he proceeded to show me around the preschool.

The kids there are really young and really tiny. They come from total slums. Most of them live in shacks made out of some sticks with a plastic tarp for a roof. Rupa said that most of them come with some skin diseases because of their dirty living conditions, so first thing every day the tiny kids get bathed with soap and dried and powdered. Rupa said that after a week of being bathed with soap most of their skin problems disappear. In the morning all of the small children get milk with vitamins and some cookies to eat. After that they play, and then at noon they get a nutritious lunch. Then they have a nap and at 2 pm their older siblings pick them up to go home.

When Rupa and I were sitting amongst the children they were quite enthusiastic to sit on our laps. One small girl, Radhika, whom Rupa said is never without a smile, kept giving me kisses!

Later I got a chance to meet the girl whom my mother sponsored to go to college. What a lovely girl!

All in all it was a fantastic day!

www.fflvrindavan.org
http://fflv.blogspot.com

Return home to Vrindaban!

I know that I haven't posted anything in quite a long time, so I will back date a few entries so that we will be up to date!

I suppose that returning to monsoon season in India was not the best timing. When you are experiencing 90 degree weather at 88% humidity (or higher) it's to say the least not the most pleasant experience from a purely physical point of view.

I spent 6 weeks visiting my family, and it was very nice. I had not seen my parents and maternal grandmother (my only surviving grandparent) for over 2 years. Although my family really loves my husband, my mother was quite happy to get me "all to herself"! She and I also took a trip to Arizona for one week so that I could see their "winter" home that they built around 2 years ago in Anthem, just outside of Phoenix. It was a great opportunity to meet some of their new friends, and visit Sedona as well as the Grand Canyon with my brother Ryan.

The last time I was home, over 2 years ago, Rafael and I arrived to home to find out that my mother's cancer had returned, and that she was bald from chemo. I was trying to stress to them that it was a bit unfair on their part to not let us know ahead of time. They think that they are saving me stress by not letting me worry, but I think it is a bit silly to not let the people closest to you pray for you. This time I returned to find out that she had recently had radiation therapy on a part of her neck where the cancer "popped through" to her skin. Although I have been studying eastern philosophy for over 15 years now, and understand the difference between the soul and the body, having your mother explain to you what she wants her funeral to be like is a bit sobering to say the least.

I finished the trip by having a dinner party with my parent's friends at their place in Toledo Ohio. I cooked up a big Indian feast and everyone really enjoyed the prasad.

All in all it was a beautiful visit, but of course I was really happy to return to Vrindaban....and my husband. While I was in Toledo, Radhacharan went to Poland to visit his family for one month, and then spent 2 weeks in China and Bangkok....so it had been 6 weeks since we met. He flew in to Delhi about 1 1/2 hour prior to me and met me at the baggage claim.

We haven't even been going out much here lately because the weather is so intense right now...but we are both happy to be back. Yes, of course we are still visiting the cows in the evening!

I want to write about my visit to the Sandipani Muni school (Food for Life) to give a donation from my parents...but I think that deserves another entry all together.

It's a bit warm here....

It's hot. Really hot. HOT!!!! Not much to do when it's over 120° F/50° C. All you can do is stay inside. You either go out (to shop or visit temples/friends) in the morning or the evening. From 11am-5pm it's near suicide to be outside.

Just outside the windows of our apartment is a garden in the neighbor's yard. We have a great view of a big mango tree there. I will be going to Ohio in 4 days to visit my family, and I am already missing those little details about Vrindaban that make it a fantastic place to live. For example, watching young monkeys play in the garden early morning (before it gets hot around 6 am), or checking out the Male peacock who also comes almost every day to strut around and show off his beautiful feathers just incase any peahens are looking. I also love seeing the faces of the different saintly Vaisnavas as they perform parikrama (circulatory walk around the city of Vrindaban bare foot...it takes around 2 hours at a leisurely pace).

The traditional Indian calendar is based on the moon cycles, so there is a lot of variation of dates of Holidays as opposed to a sun based calendar. Every three years there is an extra month called Purusottama month. This month is an especially great time for performing religious vows and austerities. Everyday there are thousands of people performing the circumabmulation of Vrindaban. Whole families do this, and many of them come from great distances to do Dandavat parikrama (circumambulating by performing a series of full-body prostrations one after another in a line). The town is full of the hustle and bustle of pilgrims and saints performing their extra religious vows ever day of this month. It's a kind of devout hustle however, and I find it quite inspiring to see so many people drawn to Vrindaban, the place of Yugal Kishor (Radha and Krishna). Actually during the different lunar months of the year, different incarnations of the Lord are meant to be worshiped. The presiding deity of the Purusottama month is Radha Krishna. That is why Vrindaban is so popular during this month, because it is the place of Radha and Krishna!

Today I rode my bike up near the ISKCON temple to pick some fresh curry leaves to make some of my famous sweet and spicy eggplant pickle for Radhacharan to take with him to Poland (he's going to visit his family while I am in the States). In the alley near MVT, I met a little abandoned calf with a small wound on her right front knee. After some difficulty in getting anyone to help me, Radhacharan came up on his bike to assist me in getting that calf onto a riksaw with me. I got a lot of funny looks from people, riding with a cow on my lap, but what the heck! We took her to the Care for Cows Gosalla and named her Priti (which means love in Sanskrit).